2006-06-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

My Daze

Days slip into days, like sand through splayed fingers.
Occasionally I'll grasp one and cling to it, desperately
determined to make this one count amidst a sea of countless others -
The Meaningless Days; The Absent Days; The Hurry-The -Tick-Tock-Clocking Days.
The I-Don't-Wanna-Bother Days.
The Waiting-For-Sunset Days.
The days when my head roars with the Nay-Sayer voice.
The voice that paralyses me with her lying truths that
I can't.
I'm not good enough.
I'll fail if I try.
I'm a failure for not trying.
She says:
"No one likes you anyway
Why would they?
Look at you."
Insidious Voice of Slander, slaughtering Myself Esteem as if I'm a lamb,
Sacrificed for my Greater Bad.
Mummified, I lie in my tomb,
-A double ensemble, 6 feet under the quilt-
Mourning my own loss with lamentations of
"What a shame!"
"Such a waste!"
"And she had such potential, too!"
Such are my sandy-slip-sliding days
that end a week in a wink
A month in a commercial break.
With a black box my only insight to the outside;
my compassionate companion
The only one who likes this Hollow Me, cause
I never interrupt it's constant stream of inanities with my own ego (it's left me)
I am a Hostaged Audience.
Ironically,
The Perfect Friend.
But
Some days the voice is mute, or I am deaf.
Some days she forgets to talk Myself Esteem to death.
These are those tangible days, that fall into my outstreched hands like rocks, and I clutch them, greedily.
My Sun-Shining, Spring-Stepped, Light-As-Fairy-Floss filled days
Days of Possibilities
Of Technicolour Animation, Live Action and Laughter.
Her roaring silenced, My head is quiet, serene.
Ripe for re-discovering.
These days I fall in love with me.
My Feedom Days
My Seeing-Through-The-Fog filled days.
My Living-My-Potential days.
I photograph these days.
I lock them into memories in an album in my mind
in hope that when the days speed up and start to slip-slide like sand,
these memories of a Better Me
may be enough
to shut out the Voice of Unreason
And give me the courage to
disbelieve
her lies.

Lil'ting Violet's Verse